- Gerald Javier, March 18, 2023
As I came of age, I remember asking my mom a couple of times how I’d know when to settle down, who I should marry, and how to become a good father.
She would reply: “Pray to St. Joseph.”
Unfortunately, I didn’t know much about him.
In fact, I could list only a handful of Bible instances I read about him: his engagement with Mother Mary, the time he had to bring the Holy Family to Egypt, and when he and Mother Mary went looking for Jesus at the temple.
He did not even speak in any of these passages.
I couldn’t imagine then how I would be able to ask for guidance and wisdom from somebody who was awfully quiet all his life.
I even questioned how he was towards Mother Mary and Jesus. Was he just passive? Did he even care?
Oh, and how I found it odd and amusing at the same time when I saw a figurine of him sleeping. LOL!
So, I wondered if he was the kind of father I wanted to be.
My impression began to change when I encountered people who have a devotion to him and came across Pope Francis’ reflection about him.
The pope said: “Joseph’s silence is not mutism, he is not taciturn; it is a silence full of listening, an industrious silence, a silence that brings out his great interiority.”1
With that, I pondered St. Joseph’s life, decisions, and actions–took a second look.
He proceeded with his engagement and married Mary upon instructions and assurance from an angel that her pregnancy was God’s design.
He took the Holy Family and fled to Egypt and, at the time of their return, also avoided Judea, settling in Nazareth instead because of the threats to Jesus’ life.
With these stories, I learned that St. Joseph may have been a very silent man, but he decisively acted when it came to his family’s welfare and safety. He didn’t think twice or wait for the angel to tell him again. Without hesitation, he did what was best for his family.
Yet, I still wondered why he would decide and act after receiving messages from God through his dreams.
As I researched more about St. Joseph’s dreams, I discovered more of the pope’s catechesis.
He said: “Dreams were considered a means by which God revealed Himself.” 2
He added that dreams are where God manifests Himself and speaks to us.
For me, that also means…
PRAYER.
They say God speaks to us when we are still, quiet, and willing to listen–when we pray.
So, to be fair to St. Joseph, I reflected again on what kind of a father he was.
He was silent and gentle. Exerting his authority to show who was boss was not his style. As a husband and father, he knew he had to lead by serving and protecting his family, which was his vocation.
Then, he always listened first to what God wished before doing anything.
His ways are unlike how many view fatherhood or leadership nowadays.
For many, being a father or leader is all about having the most say in things and proving that they have the most prominent role. Moreover, silence is frowned upon lest they be seen as weak and submissive.
And, as I’ve tried to adhere to this way of being the “strong alpha male,” it was when I felt the most pressured, tired, and unbalanced. It was when I thought I had to prove my importance to my work and family.
Then, on the contrary, I’ve come up with the best decisions and have been at the most peace even when making difficult decisions, as a husband and dad, when I would consider my family’s needs and pray first.
So, to St. Joseph, many thanks.
Your silence has taught me how to look for the way to becoming a better husband and dad.
Source:
1 https://www.exaudi.org/pope-reflects-on-st-joseph-man-of-silence-and-action/
2 https://www.vaticannews.va/en/pope/news/2022-01/st-joseph-a-man-who-dreams.html